>Old, but still funny......
>

> > Subject: >
> >
> > Subject: FW: 40 facts about life........
> >
> >
> >
> > 40 THINGS YOU SHOULD HAVE LEARNT BY NOW!!
> >
> >
> > 1. Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative
>on
> > the same night.
> >
> > 2. Don't worry about what people think, they don't do it very often.
> >
> > 3. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian anymore than standing in
>a
> > garage makes you a car.
> >
> > 4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
> >
> > 5. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never
>tried
> > before.
> >
> > 6. My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.
> >
> > 7. Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.
> >
> > 8. It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.
> >
> > 9. For every action, there is an equal and opposite government
>program.
> >
> > 10. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the
>trip.
> >
> > 11. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of cheques.
> >
> > 12. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so
>good.
> >
> > 13. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
> >
> > 14. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
> >
> > 15. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
> >
> > 16. A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.
> >
> > 17. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the
>waist
> > change places.
> >
> > 18. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
> >
> > 19. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks
> > before
> > you need it.
> >
> > 20. There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.
> >
> > 21. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a
>mistake
> > when
> > you make it again.
> >
> > 22. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
> >
> > 23. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
> >
> > 24. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real
> > world.
> >
> > 25. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat
> >
> > 26. If you had to identify, in 1 word, the reason why the human race
>has
> > not
> > achieved, & never will achieve, its full potential, that word would
> > be
> > "meetings"
> >
> > 27. There is a very fine line between "hobby" and "mental illness."
> >
> > 28. People who want to share their religious views with you almost
>never
> > want
> > you to share yours with them.
> > 29. You should not confuse your career with your life.
> >
> > 30. Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.
> >
> > 31. Never lick a steak knife
> >
> > 32. The most destructive force in the universe is gossip.
> >
> > 33. You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and
>compelling
> > reason
> > why we observe daylight savings time.
> >
> > 34. You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely
>suggests
> > that
> > you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging
> > from
> > her at that moment.
> >
> > 35. There comes a time when you should stop expecting other people to
>make
> > a
> > big deal about your birthday. That time is age eleven.
> >
> > 36. The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age,
>gender,
> > religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down
> > inside, we
> > ALL believe that we are above average drivers.
> >
> > 37. A person, who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a
>nice
> > person.
> > (This is very important. Pay attention. It never fails.)
> >
> > 38. Your friends love you anyway.
> >
> > 40. Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new.
>Remember
> > that
> > a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built
> > the Titanic.
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >
> > __
> >
> >
>
>
>*******************************************************************************\
***
>This email and any files transmitted with it are confidential and
>intended solely for the use of the individual or entity to whom they
>are addressed. If you have received this email in error please notify
>the system manager.
>
>This footnote also confirms that this email message has been swept
>for the presence of computer viruses.
>
>ARAMARK Limited, Beck House, Hawksworth Rd, Horsforth
>Leeds, LS18 4JP, West Yorkshire, UK.
>
>Tel :(+44) 0113 2585021 Fax :(+44) 0113 2584241 www.aramark.co.uk
>*******************************************************************************\
****
>
>
>

_________________________________________________________________
Tired of spam? Get advanced junk mail protection with MSN 8.
http://join.msn.com/?page=features/junkmail